Remember when you first fell in love with your partner? All the romance, the fun, the good manners? And then you got married and the business of life became a priority and you may wonder what happened to all the fun. The love is still there but it now looks a lot less sexy than it used to, doesn’t it.
Yep, marriage can be tough, like any relationship that spans years and decades. Think of your relationship with your parents or siblings. They’ve all had their ups and downs. Life is a complex cycle of changes and growth and aspects of a relationship that were relevant at one point in time, may alter and move in opposite directions from time to time. It is the nature of life. Provided that you love your spouse and remember the value in them as you did when you first fell in love, it’s worth making an effort to resolve challenges in a marriage and make it as good as it can be.
Many that do stay together keep their mind on the vows that they originally made and the aspects of staying together through the tough times and the good is a true value to which they adhere. That is an admirable commitment in these times where many enter into marriage knowing that divorce is an option if it doesn’t work out. Try to put that out of your mind and tell yourself it is not an option to see how much greater an effort you can then put into working through your struggles. Believing that you’re in it together is one of the primary bases for success in marriage. Of course, you could not predict every curve ball that would get thrown your way so the following advice will come as a generalization which may or may not apply in some degree to your own marriage.
Money problems are a big one. The stress that is associated with financial crisis might be completely overwhelming and you may fear the risks that confront your family. The only tips that can be offered on a general basis are to sit down together and create a joint financial plan and then stick to it, discussing any changes that need to be made together. Don’t keep monetary secrets from your spouse like shopping splurges or other indulgences or debts and investments. Even if they are separate and in your own name, make sure that you don’t attempt to hide them. It erodes trust and creates guilt.
Parenting is another aspect that can really impact a marriage. There will always be challenges where kids are concerned and you and your spouse need to be on the same page, even if that means agreeing who will be good cop and who will be bad cop on any given issue. And make your marriage a priority. Do not let the children take the reins in the household and play you against each other. If you prioritize each other, you’ll set an excellent example for your children and it will be easy to work as a cohesive team.
Infidelity can cause quite a bit of strife in a marriage and in fact, may be one of the primary reasons marriages fail. If there is a temptation to pursue another relationship or even a casual encounter, there is a problem in your marriage that is not being addressed. Don’t cheat and seek out the real problem and deal with it. Whether it’s a serious illness or depression or other external causes, get to the source and address that before you are unfaithful.
Finally, nurture the relationship itself. Put the same effort in that you did prior to your marriage in spite of everything. Make dates, do kind things, speak to each other respectfully, laugh a lot whenever you can and be generally loving towards each other.